Do you remember when John (of the apostle notoriety) mentioned that bad doers ought to keep their deeds hidden from the light, and that those bad doers who somehow stumble into the light should be scolded and ridiculed? Yeah, me neither. Oddly, that’s exactly what happens.
My friend Matt Carter dared to release a post about how God led him out of his masturbation habit. Although the backlash didn’t come close to overshadowing the many victories we saw through the posting, backlash can still kick a brother’s ass, and it was tough for me to stomach. I guess it just hit me at the wrong time, or maybe I’m just a wuss.
After that, I heard some bold words come out of the mouth of Toby that I couldn’t ignore, shake, or take lightly. He said the men who are upset about this post look at porn and don’t talk about sex with their sons or daughters. Some husbands rarely have sex with their wives because the other nonsexual—but equally important—ways that help to captivate their wive’s hearts for love-making in the bed are too much work. Some women take offense because they themselves have been sexually abused and/or date raped.
Basically, any open discussion of sex is difficult or painful, and gets received as brash or vulgar.
Then Toby started spouting off stats about sexual abuse:
The average age of first exposure to pornography is 11 years old 
1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse 
33-50% of perpetrators who sexually abuse girls are family members 
10-20% of those who sexually abuse boys are inter-family perpetrators. Inter-family abuse continues over a longer period of time than sexual abuse outside the family, and some forms—such as parent-child abuse—have more serious and lasting consequences
Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim
38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance
When the abuser is not a family member, the victim is more often a boy than a girl.
The results of a three-state study of reported rape survivors under age 12 revealed the following about offenders:
96% were known to their victims
50% were acquaintances or friends
20% were fathers
16% were relatives
4% were strangers
“Why is this such an epidemic? Why is it so out of hand?” Toby asked, rhetorically.
The answer: People just aren’t going to talk about sex. Talk of sex is too hush-hush.
And this is a primary reason that sexual perversion is so prevalent within the church. The porn industry has a monopoly on the whole topic, and quite honestly, it pisses me the hell off. Why? The church should have the most significant voice.
God created sex. We should be talking about it more than anyone, even how humanity abused His gift. Why don’t we? The Bible does.
“There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.” (Ezekiel 23:20)
Is this offensive? Hell yeah, it’s always offensive when we—everyone, including the church—take God’s precious gifts to humanity, piss on them, and throw them in His face.
I’m pissed: I hate sexual abuse; I hate young females being led to pose or prostitute their naked bodies; and I hate the fact that the internet preys upon your kids and mine, starting the process for many of us to become sex addicts, pornography addicts, sexual predators, or prostitutes.
You want to hear some heart-wrenching stories? Try listening to the grown man recounting the story about his dad sexually molesting him as a child and eventually having to endure oral sex…with his sick father. Healing can happen but the scars are there for life.
Oftentimes, healing is never found. Sometimes, suicide is the answer.
But CHRISTIANS were bent out of shape by Matt—grown man, husband of Bridget, father of sweet little Georgia, successful musician, experienced counselor, and avid servant in his local church—sharing his story of being deceived into a life of lustful masturbation! Did Christians focus on how being in community eventually led him to some light? On how God gently changed the course of Matt’s life by transforming his views on sexuality through Biblical, Holy Spirit-led lenses?
Nope. He’s gross. This is a shame and an embarrassment to his family. And this is just going too dang far.
Let’s remember that Matt was actually bringing sin into the light. He doesn’t always get this right, but in this case of his admission, he was dead-spot on to come clean. Granted, some of the flack we received was understood—and expected—to the point where even I had second thoughts. Had we gone too far? I seriously wondered. Had we taken it too far with this infamous masturbation post? I had a conversation with a friend who thought so. I certainly benefitted from the conversation with her and appreciated how she approached her reservations.
But, again, Toby spoke, and I listened: How dare we as Christians keep this in the dark, in hopes of maintaining a good, clean reputation and being politically correct. How dare we try to reserve some of Jesus’s glory of rescuing us from all of our whoring around.
How dare we let the media, movies, internet, and—most of all—the porn industry have the most say.
It’s about time we start talking. It’s about time we start breaking rules. This culture—pagan culture, church culture, our culture that is drowning in sexual sin and needing healing—is depending on us to change the rules.
We’ll try to answer that call. The rest of the church should too. Will you?
(And for those with children, check out this podcast episode for some helpful hints in keeping your child out of trouble