I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE EASTER BUNNY

We think it's always a good idea for Christians to think critically about the way they view Easter. There are some important questions that just need to be asked. For Instance:

1. Is the Easter Bunny overshadowing our Lord Jesus Christ on a day that is supposed to be celebrating His resurrection?

2. What if the Easter Bunny is actually The Devil himself disguised as one of the most sexually active animals on the planet? (He WOULD).

3. Does this mean the innocent children participating in Easter Egg hunts are actually hunting for SIN??

This post tackles the hard questions regarding all things Easter. Prepare to be stretched.

Jesus doesn’t give a damn about the Easter Bunny, and as Christians, we shouldn’t either.  Now before you go all “legalist!” on me, I’m probably saying the complete opposite of what youTHINK I am saying.

Jesus isn’t concerned about His children talking about the Easter bunny or having egg hunts.  Promoting the Easter Bunny isn’t a sin any more than the Super Mario Brothers or Dora the Explorer.  Why would it be?  It’s a bunny that minds his own business until the day we celebrate our Lord’s resurrection, and then for some reason (possibly motivated by the Holy Spirit), he travels around to all Christians’ homes to give candy and sometimes even toys.

Sure, there are some problems here.  First of all, is it really a good witness for the Bunny to only be generous to other Christians?  The pagans are the ones who really need to know Jesus, and would possibly receive Him after eating a couple of glorious Cadbury eggs.  Second, I’m a little pissed that there’s no account of the Easter Bunny leaving some candied eggs in a basket outside of the tomb when Jesus rose again.  I mean, at the very least, that would have started the Easter Bunny on the right foot to give credit where credit is due.  The third and perhaps most important question is why is it okay to mix “bunny tradition” with the glorious truth of God becoming man, dying for our sins, and rising again three days later?  I’ll give you an assortment of answers to this question, take it or leave it:

  1. We should encourage kids to eat healthy food, which is what they really need (Jesus), but every now and then, it’s ok to splurge on sweets, which they really don’t need at all (Easter Bunny).  It’s ok for us to partake in things that are solely for the sake of fun without any intrinsic meaning.  The Easter Bunny falls in this category.

  2. When was the last time you opened one of those plastic eggs and there was a slip of paper that said, “Jesus sucks, worship me?”

  3. No one is throwing a fit about wedding bands, wedding ceremonies, or flowers on coffins, which are all pagan traditions adopted by the church.

  4. Jesus reigns over the Easter Bunny, along with Satan, Christian Science, and the Westboro Baptist Church, and his Lordship isn’t threatened by them.  He owns all.

With all this said, I told my kids right up front that the Easter Bunny wasn’t real.  I didn’t do this with Santa, but as far as they are concerned, the Easter Bunny and the “dumb as hell” tooth fairy are about as real as a Carolina Gamecock National Championship football trophy.  I just think a fairy that wants your teeth in exchange for money is pretty sick AND there’s nothing pleasant about a silent human-size bunny, walking upright, coming in to my damn house to give my kids eggs when everyone knows he’s a mammal.  SO, where did he get those EGGS??

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Some other things that bother me about Easter:

  1. What’s the point of hollow chocolate?  If you are going to make a chocolate bunny, quit sinning and make the damn thing solid.

  2. Easter egg hunts, nowadays, represent the dumbing down of American society through the permissible laziness of our kids.  “Hunts” are now considered giant yards with hundreds of eggs scattered all over the ground in plain sight.  Let’s just call it an “Easter Egg pick-up” for crying out loud.

  3. It’s really messed up that Cadbury eggs are only available for Easter.  We are supposed to live for the glory of God every day.  Not just on Easter.

  4. Since we don’t know the exact date that Jesus rose, can we just make life simpler and pick just ONE time that we celebrate every year?  My vote is the first Sunday in April, that way, SOMETIMES Easter would be on April 1st.  Hey, sorry but Jesus did not die for your lame ass… APRIL FOOLS!!!

I’m glad Jesus died and rose again so we could cut up and have fun.  We love you Jesus.  We are praying for all the people you made and hoping that you do some mighty works through your church on Easter Sunday.